"I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth..."

The Sea- Night of Winnage

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:02:30 GMT

I went to see 'The Sea'. That's a play by Edward Bond, not a big wet thing. Within this play, there was Harry Lloyd and Russel Tovey. After this play, there was stage door fangirlage. Commence Evening of Awesome:

SO, on the day in question (Tuesday), I felt like shite and really ill. "NO!" I cried, "NO! For today is the day I see Harry Lloyd and his Neck of Sex and Russel Tovey and his Adorable Ears!" So, valiently, I battled my way to school. It didn't work, so I went home ill. However, I made the supreme sacrifice and managed to bravely battle my way through several changes of clothes to find the perfect Outfit of Fangirlage (more on that later) and drag my arse up to Central London on the Tube, there to meet the lovely Hannah ( curlybeach) (who I had never met before) and the awesome Gabriella ( _faeriequeen) (who I had already shared an occasion of squeeage with). We chilled in Trafalger Square, french guys and schoolboys accosted Hannah, whilst me and Gabriella (hardened Londoners) watched with vague amusement, for which I apologise deeply.

Then, fully prepared and with our squee muscles turned up to eleven, we went.

Ok, the play- the play was very, very good. Almost Stoppardian, in that it was very witty, very dry, but set against a background of slightly absurd tragedy and human philosophy. Brilliant performances from David Haig and Eileen Atkins- favourite line: "She's the ype of woman who was born to die alone in a small room."- Haig was very intense and must have had great stamina to keep that up, he was sweating like a mad thing and Atkins was, as always, a delight, and hilarious.

Russell Tovey is, to state the obvious, a very, very good actor. He had a brilliant little accent going on there and some hugely funny moments, playing a sort of Village Idiot type character, but with a 'wisdom in lunacy' aspect to it. Harry Lloyd was also superb (which makes me happy- I can't stand it when they're just a pretty face), playing his speciality: the upper class, awkward outsider with a minimal amount of social skills. Add to this that one of the characters thought he was an alien and you basically have Baines Mk. 2: With New, Improved, Non-Sociopathic Tendencies! So I was happy. And there was RL neck!porn, which was also good. Yum.

Then there was backstage fangirling, for which I have pics:

This r me and Russell Tovey. he r adorable. And I made him laugh by telling him I usually said I came from South London instead of Wimbldon, to which he went "Oh but Wimbledon's nice though....Wimbledon Village and that..." and I went, "Yeah, it's not Wimbeldon Village."

And now The Lloydster:

First pic- I didn't quite have the courage to put my arm back around him, so I will pretend that I am just too cool (and too short) for such things. Also, please note the silly smile and hair plastered to forehead from combing out a gel-pasted 1930s hairstyle. Er, on him, not on me. Although me too.

Second Pic- Gabriella and Hannah swapped from photographer to model and I kind of muttered something about "oh...well, I'll just...sort of stay here then" because I am a filthy opportunist fangirl and also was sort of paralyised by being that close to him. Also, note that his hand has moved from being slightly round me to very round me. Progress, right there. Clearly, we have a deep, meaningful bond.

Then, when he was signing away, the follow conversation occurred, which must be reported verbatim:

ME: You went to Oxford, didn't you?
HARRY LLOYD: Yeah, I did.
ME: Yeah, it's just that I'm going there too.
HARRY LLOYD: Oh, cool, in September?
ME: Yeah, in September...Which college did you go to?
HARRY LLOYD: Christ Church.
ME: Cool...and which subject did you do?
HARRY LLOYD: English Literature.
ME: YES!!!
HARRY LLOYD: *looks confused*
ME:..........I'm doing English too.
HARRY LLOYD: Which college are you going to?
ME: Magdalen.
HARRY LLOYD: Fuck me, you must be clever!
ME: ......................................... (Translation: "OMGOMGOMGARGHARGHARGHI'MCLEVER....Also, if you insist, yes, I will.")
HARRY LLOYD: No, really, that's one of the top colleges isn't it? And it's so cool!
ME: Yeah, it's so pretty!
HARRY LLOYD: Yeah, you've got, like, the deer in your back garden!
ME: Yeah, the deer park!

And then the power of coherent speech failed me utterly. Harry Lloyd has ruined me for other men.

I was kind of confused and thrilled by how smiley and shy he was- I mean, he's so brooding and 'this r srs face' on most of his TV bits, it was lovely to see him grnning away. And he has, by the way, the most heart-stopping smile known to man.

So yes. I am still on a high from the fact that Harry Lloys said "Fuck me", followed by complementing me on my intelligence. Now THAT is the way to a girl's heart.

Things heard in and around my life today...

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 19:31:50 GMT

Just to prove that I'm totally normal.

Thing #1:

History Class, Discussing Leader of Democrat Party Elections in America

TEACHER: Aren't the results of the Iowa Caucus exciting?
POLITICS STUDENT #1: *dreamy sigh* Yes, I'm so please Barack Obama is winning ...
POLITICS STUDENTS #2 AND #3: *more dreamy sighs* Oh yes, why don't we have someone like him?
TEACHER: Yes, we really need someone charistmatic and young, who just entices you to vote for them...
ME (IN HEAD): OMG VOTE SAXON!!!

Thing #2:

History Society, Learning About Pirates

SMALL GIRL DOING PRESENTATION: And she became a pirate when her father engaged her to Alf, Prince of Denmark...
ME: *starts whimpering and twitching*
HANNAH: *sigh* Hamlet wasn't the only Prince of Denmark, Raf...
ME: He was, HE WAS.
HANNAH: Maybe Alf was his real name.
ME: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH...

So yeah. Totally normal. By the way- pirates? Are cool. And cross-dressing ramnce antics work in real life as well as Shakespeare plays, apparently. Well, according to Calico Jack Rackham, Anne Bonney and Mary Read they do.

Rose is Back: Return of the Mary-Sue!

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 13:35:26 GMT

http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/news/cult/news/drwho/2007/11/27/51031.shtml

NO.

First Reaction:
WHYARGHWHATTHEHELLSHE'SDEADDEALWITHITOHPOORMARTHACURSEYOURUSSELLTDAVIESWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY???

Second Reaction:
*high-pitched voice of hope* Maybe- maybe the Beeb will confound all our expectations and, with the Doctor being able to put things in perspective and see Rose next to Martha and Donna she'll be knoacked off her pedestal and he'll realise how brilliant and cool and brilliant Martha was all along and it'll be great- maybe!

Third Reaction:
Shit.

I BROKE MY STAR WARS VIRGINITY...

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 19:12:18 GMT

...and now I'm a total Star Wars slut!

The original trilogy obviously, not the jumped-up fireworks display of a toy advert (thank you, Simon Pegg) that is the newer trilogy.

IT IS SO GOOD. It appeals to everything in me that is essentially a cowboy-pirate-princess that wants to blow things up and fly around space shouting witty quips at bad guys. (Can you tell my favourite character was Han Solo?)

I love Luke. He's whiny and blond and heroic and has deep-seated father issues (we sat through many of his scenes going, "Daddy didn't love me!" "I'm so alone- SO, SO ALONE!" and "Don't leave me, I need a father figure!"). And he's sort of cute, I suppose. And his creepy love for Leia leading to the most spectacularly brilliant angsting upon finding out she's his sister is just made of win.

I love Leia. She's so cool and princess-y and angry and righteous without being annoying. And (because we have to cast ourselves in everything we watch) amongst my friends, I'm Princess Leia (with a dash of Han Solo, according to my friend, but I can't be two characters) . She's just cool, anyway.

And OMG do I ever love Han Solo. I always love the characters that I secretly want to be, it seems, and who wouldn't want to be Han Solo? Flying around in the Millenium Falcon (which, by the way, is better than any car ever), going into hyperspace, having no conscience to speak of and generally just being cool. And he has blasters. I want blasters. Can I have blasters please? Oddly, my infatuation with swords has not transmuted into a desire for a light saber but i do want a blaster, when normally I hate guns. Very odd.

Anyway. I have found a new outlet of escapism to carry me safely into the New Year. Which reminds me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Welcome to 2008. A year, just like last year, but a little bit different.

Haven't had internet for two weeks so this is very late BUT...

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 20:12:02 GMT

...I GOT INTO MAGDALEN (OXFORD)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get to GO THERE (if I don't fuck up my A-Levels) to that BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, MAGICAL PLACE. To LEARN about THINGS I LOVE.

Oh, thank you Baby Jesus.

Also- MERRY BELATED XMAS TO YOU ALL!!!

THE BIG MASSIVE UNIVERSITY POST.

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:04:01 GMT

Ok. In light of things like The Future, I have decided to do THE BIG MASSIVE UNIVERSITY POST.

I have applied to:

Oxford, Magdalen College- obviously, my top choice. I did the ELAT admissions test and I must have done well enough to not be in the bottom 20% because I have my interview NEXT FREAKIN' TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY AND I WILL DIE.

York- My second choice after Oxford. Haven't visited it but the place is lovely- campus not so much.

Warwick- I don't really want to go here, even though it's where JRT went. I mean, if I got rejected from the lovely dreaming spires of Oxford, i don't think I could face the grey, concrete campus of warwick, which isn't even in Warwick but, in fact, is in Coventry. I would literally be sent to Coventry.

Birmingham- This time it's a lovely campus and a not so lovely city but, hey, that's fine. I shall practise my Brummie accent a lot.

UEA (University of East Anglia)- Horrible campus I'm told but one of the best creative writing sourses in the country.

NB For Birmingham and UEA, I have applied for English Literature with Creative Writing- for the other three, just English.

And I have had offers from:

York- AAA, which I should get because I got good AS levels and racked up lots of lovely points, but still...Anyway, if I don't get into Oxford, I'd like to go here.

Birmingham- AAB BUT that includes Critical Thinking, so I shall probably accept them as my back-up.

UEA- AAB but without C.T. and they are a bit grey and are in Norwich, so...

Haven't heard from Warwick yet but apparently they always take ages and Oxford interview is next week- aaaaaaaaaaargh!

...

In other news, I HAVE MY BRACES OFF!!!! Until next week when I have to have stupid fixed retainers put on.

But still! I can now legitimately say:

MA TEEFS, LET ME SHOW DEM TO YOU.

Yeah, bitch. Take that. (Um, the bitch is my Orthodontic Fate in general. Not you.)

...

In other news again, I have fallen in love with yet another dead literary figure. "Which prematurely-deceased, poetry- writing, pretty boy have you fallen for this time, Raf?" I hear you ~~cry~~ type. Well, my dear reader, that is what we call a Good Question.

In light of all this War Poetry business, the new light of my life is none other than the darling Wilfred Owen. Oh yes, joining the long list of Keats, Hamlet...um...right, so possibly not that long a list, but there we go. Anyway, I never thought I'd love a man called Wilfred, so it just goes show. Something.

But he died young! And he wrote such piercingly lovely poetry, that was somehow awful and terrible and made you shake all over at the same time! And we were reading "Not About Heroes"- a play with only two characters, about the relationship between Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen- and I was reading Owen's part and he's so shy and stammers and adores sassoon, when really Sassoon sees that Owen will be the one to show them all- him, Rupert Brooke, Robert Graves- the way to what can be said, and what can be remembered.

Because Owen is the better poet, after all, something that he didn't see. And because he so adamantly rejected the idea of "heroes"- for him, there was only War- but he became a hero himself. Even today, Owen is the voice of the soldier. Owen makes me accept that i cannot know, cannot possibly understand the horrors that those poor men and boys suffered through, and yet still makes me feel some small part of it.

Oh, look, I can't explain. Here's my favourite:

Anthem for Doomed Youth

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?

Only the monstrous anger of the guns.

Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle

Can patter out their hasty orisons.

No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;

Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,

The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;

And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?

Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes

Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.

The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;

Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,

And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

Then again, I'm also pining after Keats again because my Shelley book has arrived and I've been reading "Adonais", which was, of course, written on his death. And, of course, the relationship between Shelley and Keats parallels that of Sassoon and Owen, and, in a way, that of Horatio and Hamlet, so there we go. "Order out of disorder, into disorder." (Arcadia by Tom Stoppard, the other Man of the Moment.)

So for the moment, I shall leave you with these thoughts, which are, unfortunately, not mine, but Percy Bysshe Shelley's:

I am borne darkly, fearfully, afar;
Whilst, burning through the inmost veil of Heaven,
The soul of Adonais, like a star,
Beacons from the abode where the Eternal are.

THESE B SRS RL.

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:42:54 GMT

OH WOEZ. SEE MA RL SRS BIZNUS FACE. >-(

I should probably stop talking in macro-speak if i want you to take me at all seriously.

However, this really is serious and crappy real life stuff, which I've been meaning to put up for a while.

But there is some fun stuff (Read: "Fangirl Stuff") too. Yay!

WELL. Basically, on the evening of Friday 26th October, over three weeks ago, I was at a party of a friend of mine (her parents were away). No, hang on, I have to go back a little more. Way back.

I have a friend who shall remain nameless. Let us call her The Friend. Imaginative, I know. Me and this Friend, we go way back, not in terms of actual years but in terms of the fact that she's gone through a lot of shit and I have been a better friend to her than I've ever been to anyone else, in that I was always there when she wanted to talk, let her confide in me, never told her secrets, gave her advice when appropriate and comfort when not and basically tried as hard as I could to help her. She's much better now (probably not thanks to me though :P) which is brilliant. However, she is still a compulsive liar (which, funnily enough, I always forget and believe everything she tells me, as with all my friends) and holds grudges for a really, really long time.

All in all, this makes me an idiot. Basically, she broke up with her boyfriend about two weeks prior to this incident, who shall henceforth be known as The Ex. They'd gone out for about seven or eight months, for about five of those months, she treated him like shit, avoiding him, testing him and so on and had even cheated on him. I hated this because he was a great guy, funny anf clever and all our fiends liked hanging out with him. Anyway, my Friend went off to Edingurgh to visit the university, met a firend of her brother's there and decided that she had instantly fallen in love with him. I know you shouldn't judge other people's feelings but...she just hadn't. So then she broke up with the Ex. The only conversation I had with her about it went something like this:

Me: That was quite drastic. Maybe you should have just suggested a break or something.
Friend: I guess. (pause) Oh well! *starts talking about something else*

So, in my defense, I really though she was over it. Soi went to this party, at which he was present because he's BFFs with the girl who was hosting it. And I drunk a lot, very quickly, was very very stupid, flirted a lot and ended up kissing him. Believe me, you don't need to tell me how stupid I was. The only "reason" i have is this: i was drunk and stupid, I didn't think she had any claim over him (or wanted any claim over him) and I just went for it because that is generally what I do at parties and I should really, really stop doing it because I end up with the numbers of people who look a lot less attractive in daylight.

Drunkenly, I staggered outside and phoned her, crying, apologising and telling her I loved her, i.e. making a spectacle of myself. I'm not proud. She sounded a little stunned and quiet, which was natural and a fair reaction. I didn't see her or speak to her again until Monday, when I immediately took her aside, apologised sincerely and hoped we could just move past it. She said "Ok", we hugged, I started acting the way we were before. That's when the Hell began.

She wouldn't speak to me, she wouldn't even look at me. If any of our friends were sitting with me in the Common Room, she'd glower silently and sit as far away as possible, looking forsaken and forlorn. If any of our friends were talking to me, she would purse her lips and march past, looking like she’d been betrayed. I managed to ignore this, pretty much, and carry on living my life, as before, which was seemingly a mistake. I compartmentalised my friend into one area of life and everything else into another and didn’t let them merge, so I managed not to feel too upset, at first. It was when my other friends told me the kind of thing she’d been saying about me and about how she’d been twisting the truth, saying I’d kissed her boyfriend and so on that I got really upset. So I had a big heart-to-heart with her. During this, she told me three things:

a) She was in love with the Ex and it had taken this to make her realise it.

b) I’d broken her heart and ruined any chance they ever had of getting back together.

c) I didn’t care about it, was acting like it had never happened and was apparently doing so because, as she put it, “I get that you’re proud.”

I, bewildered, agreed to all of these things. A mistake, really, because not a single one of them is true. I felt so, so upset- in my eyes, I’d been drunk and made a stupid mistake and for that I was truly sorry, but I didn’t think (and still don’t) that the situation was the way that she was saying it was. It was only when I spoke to my best friends (Code Names: Sad Cat and Squidge) that I realised what a jerk she was being and that I wasn’t to blame for any of this- that she was, in fact, making most of it up. I’d even say that I didn’t do anything morally wrong: me and the Ex were both free agents. I didn’t think that kissing someone’s ex a few weeks after they broke up was a social crime, really. If I’d lied- yes. If they’d been still going out- yes. If it had been the day after- yes. If I’d had any indication that she had feelings for him- then, yes, it would have been wrong. As it was, I still don’t think I did something morally bad. I didn’t act wisely or sensibly, I admit that freely, but it wasn’t malignant at all, it wasn’t “on purpose” or to hurt her.

This continued. She’d let me get a bit close, have a big talk to me, say we could start to move on and then if I tried to hug her the next day, shy away as though I was going to bite her. Eventually, it got to her birthday. Her 18^th- massively special and important and she was having a huge meal at an Indian restaurant and had been making a huge deal about her invitations, guest list and seating plan (which was widely regarded with some chagrin- surely it would have been nicer to just let people sit wherever they wanted?) I hadn’t received an invite and didn’t expect to, although I was pretty devastated about this- I didn’t want to miss out on my best friend’s 18^th, after several years of friendship, because of a stupid, drunken kiss. Sad Cat and Squidge and other BFF “Slash” were all telling her to invite me- eventually she did, the day before the meal, meaning I had to cancel babysitting at very short notice buy a present and make a card. But I did, because I wanted to go.

When I got there, I realised that she’d put me right at the end of the table, with people I didn’t know all that well, tucked away in the corner, out of sight of pretty much everyone and miles away from the ones I loved most, who were all in the centre of the table clustered around my Friend. Also, the Ex was sitting directly opposite her. It all just hit me, I felt like I was going to burst into tears, which Squidge spotted, comforted me and I felt much better. There was an empty space next to her so I went to sit by her for a bit, which was ok-ed by the Friend. Then I moved to go and sit by another friend, to chat, all before the food was ordered. Then I noticed the Friend storming out and Squidge went to comfort her. When Squidge came back in, she told me that the Friend was "upset by me moving around" and "every time she turned around, I was just there, ruining it", so could I "just stay in my place, please". Then I really felt like crying. I did have fun, in the end, but it wasn't great. Then, after opening my present (the Pete Docherty book), she smiled, said, "You know me too well", hugged me and then said, "I'm sorry about today, I just need a little more time."

I was thrilled that she apologised (even if just for that day) but I felt like exploding- how much more time does she need? Since then, things have slowly been getting better, in that she's talking to me about proper friend stuff and hanging out in a group, but she still tries to prove that my friends are on her side and she still acts like I'm going to attack her every time I come near.

Christ, that's long. If you have put up with my woes thus far, well done! Now for your reward (which will be in devon): FANGIRLING!

I MET LEE!

Can't believe I didn't post this sooner but I went to see Joseph on the 5th November and it was DIVINE.

I was so scared it'd be an understudy, so I kind of steeled myself for that but then it was him and he was so unbelievably perfect, I can't imagine anyone playing the part ever. "Close Every Door" was so lovely, I nearly cried.

And then after, we were going to not bother waiting for him but everyone was crowding round a rope at the front and we were the last out of the building so I (sneaky fangirl), lead us straight into the middle at the front on our way out, and stayed there.

And then he came out! Oh, he was gloriously lovely and curly-haired and gorgeous and he gave out signed photos and then signed my double sided poster of him. First, I got him to sign the one of him in white, then he was coming back my way, so i flipped it over and got him to sign the other side- of him in the loincloth. And I looked him straight in the eye, smiled and said, "So I can alternate."

Now, of course, I realise that I sounded like a creepy perv but at the time it was brilliant.

Ah well. C'est la vie.

Ok, I don't know any of these people...

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:15:55 GMT

OMFG JKR IS GOD.

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 17:25:24 GMT

DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY AND LOVED GRINDELWALD I WAS SO RIGHT SHE SAID IT OUT LOUD ITS TRUE ALL TRUE SLASH IS CANON YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem. Oh I am SO happy- think how pretty that is. Dumbledore is all young and ginger and long-haired and bespectacled and Grindelwald is all curly blond haire and passionate and idealistic. Oh thank you, God of Slash, your High Priestess has delivered and I am ecstatic.

Just need Remus/Sirius to be confirmed as canon now- because it TOTALLY is, Tonks was kind of a...detail. Anyway, Remus can be bi.

Go forth and slash bountifully!

Shakespeare Love

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 21:07:52 GMT

Have been immersing myself in the Ocean of Shakespeare Canon, once again, and have emerged sopping wet with water from the Sea of Adoration, once again.

Can I just be allowed to express my love for a few select Shakespeare characters? Kthnx.

First up, the Girls- tragic and comic, wise and foolish, take your pick...

Helena and Hermia, A Midsummer Night's Dream- Am slightly biased seeing as Hermia has been my perfect role since I was twelve and finally managed to play her in June in the production that I Directed, Produced, and did numerous other things to. I love how they complement each other so well- tall and short, fair and dark, wet and fiery, but both equally worthy of love and loyalty. They are a brilliant example of the joys and trials of female friendship and I love them dearly.

Rosalind, As You Like It- The longest female part in Shakespeare. I partly love her because I'm so amazed and grateful that Will saw fit to create such a brilliant female character, even though he knew it was only going to be played by some squeaking boy. (Same applies to Cleopatra.) She's touchingly masculine, just as Orlando is touchingly feminine; her bravado and swagger is present when she's being both sexes. She's wry, witty, self-mocking, pained and, above all, completely human.

Beatrice, Much Ado About Nothing- Slightly wary about picking Beatrice because everyone loves her, which is a crap excuse, I know. My reason for loving Beatrice is not her quick wit or sharp tongue (although I love these) but her realisation that she is too proud, that her cruelty goes beyond a joke sometimes- that she really does need to be tamed, and it is not subjugation, but merely a way of calming down, a stabilisation. I love the balance found between her and Benedick, I love the fact they were lovers once before, I love Beatrice's essential aloneness until she has her epiphany.

Helena, All's Well That Ends Well- I maintain that this play is not a comedy. Every time I read it, me heart breaks for her- she is an utterly tragic figure without becoming tragical. Desperately in love with a man that she knows will never love her back, she embarks on a deperate crusade to at least get his loyalty, allowing herself to be humiliated and mocked in the process. For all this, she is not self-pitying- she is almost overly practical, she deals with things by going and doing, even though she has no real hope. But her love sustains her; even though she pours it away into a seive, she has more, and will always do.

Portia, The Merchant of Venice- Portia earns the title of Favourite Female Character, definitely in Shakespeare, very close to the top in general. Everything about her characterisation is perfect: she is beautiful, yes, but also tough, clever and aware of her own limitations. Powerless to change her situation, she tries to laugh at it instead. She understands the way people work and tries to influence them accordingly. She presents herself honestly: she realises that all her wealth is relative in the end- if it makes bassanio happy, then it makes her happy. An incredibly proud, rich, heiress willingly presents herself as a prize and never becomes pathetic or objectified because everything she does, she does knowingly. I don't go in for role models, but if I had to choose, Portia would win, hands down.

And now the Boys- the pretty, emo, heroic, whiny, evil, scheming, noble Boys. Ah, what fun.

Edmund, King Lear- Breaks my heart. He feels bitter and resentful towards the world, towards Nature itself, because he is a bastard son, and so ultimately worthless. He goes about trying to change his stars, not in the best way, admittedly, but he tries to fight a force that cannot be fought, which I'll always love. he craves the love and attention denied him by his father and so, when he lies dying and he sees the bodies of Regan and Goneril, the two sisters that loved him and murdered each other because of it, he proclaims, "Yet Edmund was beloved." It is not a cry of triumph, or a final spiteful gloat, but an acknowledgement of the debt he owes them, that at the last, he has been loved.

Jaques, As You Like It- Cynical, love-hating, disillusioned- what's not to like? The only character uninfluenced by love, he is also the only character with foresight, perspective or a broad overview of events. He is almost a second foo, with all of the wit, but none of the wisdom, or else he would learn to be merry. I love Jaques- the Seven Ages of man speech could not be gifted to a more deserving character. I do think a good shag would cheer him up though.

Hal/Harry/King Henry, Henry V- The ultimate hero. Noble, royal, blond (clearly), this guy has it all. Goes from swaggering, drinking rapscallion to good and wise king, defined by his youth and his ardour, I was always going to love him. Not afraid to get down and dirty with his men (oo-er), a brilliant leader, came up with some stirring stuff on the eve of battle- if I were a soldier, I'd follow him to the ends of the earth. "The warlike Harry"- pure gold brilliance.

Hamlet, Hamlet- As is clear from my icon and new journal layout, Hamlet has wormed his way into my affections and is there to stay. One hears so much about Hamlet that preconceptions are unavoidable. I can only describe my reaction to reading Hamlet for the first time by borrowing from another Shakespeare play, Romeo and Juliet: "The very instant I saw you did my heart fly to your service." And so it was with me; the instant Hamlet raised his head from his arms and, sitty their in his "inky cloak" uttered the words, "Seems madam? I know not seems", I was his. Utterly and completely. I will not insult you by attempting a description but I find him noble, philosophical, scholarly, intelligent, funny, tortured, bewildered, confused, disillusioned, loyal, fierce, indecisive, distant, close, wise (eventually) and, above all, young. I resent actors above the age of 30, even 25 playing Hamlet- he is a teenager. A young man, angry, hurt and bewildered, given a task beyond his capability and in defiance of his nature, asking him to sacrifice love, family and honour to complete, and he does. Finally, after blood and tears, he does. He even gives up his own life, but he does what he was meant to do. And, above all, there is a tremendous sense of unfairness- he was so young. Surely, surely, this wasn't meant to happen to him? But it did, and although he made many, many errors, flaws and mistakes along the way, in the end, he acted in the only way that I would have him act.

If you've sat through all that- well done! Who are your favourite Shakespeare characters- or literary characters in general, and why? Do tell, I'm intrigued.

High School Musical: The Assembly

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 11:10:10 GMT

In my final year of schooling before I head off to university, it has fallen to me to write the assembly for my form, the illlustrious 13.8. Casting about for a suitable topic that is relevant to both September and the Sixth Form, that has a strong moral message, that is both informative and entertaining, I had a sudden lightning-flash of inspiration.

Yes friends, it's High School Musical: The Assembly.

Here be it:

13.8 Assembly

This month, on the 21^st September, one of the greatest cinematic moments of the decade, NAY, of the CENTURY will occur.

Beaming in from outer space (well, America) will come something, the likes of which has never (well, once) been seen before.

Prepare yourselves for…*SHOW MASSIVE POWERPOINT*

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2!!!

On the 22^nd September 2006, High School Musical beamed into our TV sets.

Whether you secretly love it or loathe it with a passion, High School Musical is a part of your life, for better, for worse, and with the planned High School Musical 3, I think it’s safe to say, it’s here to stay.

Everyone knows the plot: a tale as old as time concerning a basketball jock and a maths genius who both discover they can sing improbably well.

But this is only a superficial part of the whole. The true genius of High School Musical lies in its moral message.

Troy and Gabriella break out of the roles defined for them by their conformist, status-obsessed classmates and find their true selves in the process.

But it’s not easy. The eponymous duo meet with much resistance along the way, as best illustrated by the song, “Stick to the Status Quo”.

(Show clip here J)

Stirring stuff. I hope I’m not ruining the ending for anyone if we say that Troy and Gabriella DO get cast as the leads in their school musical, with a full blessing from their friends.

But now the serious bit. There’s something to be said for doing stuff that you don’t normally do.

Unfortunately, in real life, you rarely get to discover amazing hidden talents but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try stuff outside your usual sphere of interest.

And you especially shouldn’t be afraid of trying it because you’re afraid of what other people might think. Granted, we don’t quite have a full-blown American High School System of Social Order, complete with Jocks, Cheerleaders, Nerds, Skater Dudes etc but still…

We are under pressure every day to look a certain way, act a certain way and talk a certain way, from our parents, teachers and friends, whether it’s intentional or not.

If High School Musical has taught us anything (which is arguable), it’s to be yourself.

And so, we’d like to leave you with a song. Because we can’t say it any better than this:

(Play clip of “We’re All in this Together”)

THE AMAZING END.

I sent it off to my deputy, who duly emailed back, "Hey, your HSM scrpit if cool, but i'm just wondering whether people wil take it seriously."

The world is coming to a crashing end.

National Youth Theatre- not quite for the win.

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:44:29 GMT

Well, I'm back in the land where theatre is expensive and only for gays and womens.

It was enjoyable at times (mostly when we were pissed) and not so enjoyable at times (mostly when we had to do yet another abstract representation of binge-drinking youth in today's society).

BUT.

Next year they might be doing Hamlet (yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, PLEASE). Speaking of which, two people have told me now I'd make a good Ophelia. Am slightly worried- does the world really view me as a borderline mental case? With optional naivety and subservience, depending on how you play it?

Ah well. The rest is silence.

When we were drunkenly casting people as Shakespeare characters (come on, we're drama students), I was Viola from Twelfth Night, so that's good. Despite the fact that I'm actually playing Olivia from Twelfth Night.

AND.

The most important bit of the course. THERE WERE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED LIKE OTHER HOT FAMOUS PEOPLE.

Ok, first up, MAC BOY.

I looked at him and went "OMFGKLEFJGWRO.....SQUEE!!!!" He doesn't just loom like the spitting image of how a teenage Mac would look but he even moves like him and he's funny and witty and cool and relaxed and really clever (has a passioj for English, wants to do it at Cambridge- be still my beating heart!)

Unfortunately, he had the drawback of not liking me back so never mind.

Anyway, PICTURES:

Unfortunately he liked this girl, who was disgustingly pretty. Didn't really stand a chance, did I?

Ok, next Ollie. In his last year at cambridge doing English (double points) and looks so much like Colin Firth, I actually went home and watched Bridget Jones' Diary. These aren't the best pics of him though...

And finally Simon, who looked vaguely like David Tennant but was voted most fuckable by the group (excuse my language) because he's honestly just brilliant. Funny, talented, quirky, not afraid to take risks- he's pretty wonderful. And here are pictures (on the left in both):

So to round off, here's two of the whole group. See if you can spot me with my new haircut...

So there we go, that's NYT! More Real Life updates soon, I promise!

Farewell David (?)

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:49:48 GMT

Well, I know loads of people have been freaking out about James Nesbitt replacing their Divine Pretty, i.e. David Tennant but I'm kind of ok with that. Tbh, he's exactly the kind of person I wanted to take over from DT-older, more mature, not so pretty but just as charismatic (ok, yes, I really do want Christopher Eccleston back).

I will certainly miss DT's aforementioned prettyness and gawkish adorableness, plus his random flailing, his exclamations of joy over mechanical parts and his occasional snogs with french girls but I can live with him moving on. After S4 he will have done three years, which is quite long enough for any actor, and also about the average length of most of the Doctors, except Tom Baker, who did sveen years cos he was cool.

I think James Nesbitt will do an excellent job, if it's not, in fact, a rumour; he isn't "tainted" by yellow pages adverys or any of the silly things people have been saying. I watched one episode of Jekyll and felt physically sickened by the sheer glee and destruction in his performance, which is a very strong reaction to have, so I have no doubts about his acting ability either.

And, on the plus side, the Ten/Rose shippers might shut up about Rose rejoining the series now Teh Pretty won't be around. Hah. And, this might be wishful thinking, but I do think that he would have excellent chemistry with Martha. I mean, srsly, scorching.

Oh, and also- Moffat replacing RTD as Head Writer? Two things:

1) YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. THANK YOU GOD MY LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

2) RTD and DT leaving at the same time convinces me of what I have long suspected: that RTD lives only to create Mary-Sueified versions of Rose as his little prop through which he can envision shagging David tennant. Mate, we'd all like to shag David Tennant, but we don't slag off Martha to do it.

Harry Potter and the End of Childhood

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 16:05:06 GMT

My insane, eleven-days-late-weeping, let me show it to you.

NB It's eleven days late because I've been in China, which was amazing, and you can all expect a nice big picspam of that.

Let me start with the niggles.

There was quite a lot that struck me as being inconsistant with previous canon or slightly incongruous with the structure or plot or whatevs but in a series as grand as sprawling as Harry Potter, that's inevitable and I can overlook it because the emotions that were at the heart of the book were so strong and pure that it didn't matter after a while.

I sometimes felt that there wasn't enough character development. For example, Kreacher's turnaround came pretty quick and the fact that not a single Slytherin stood and fought for the side of good. It kind of went against the grain of what JKR's been telling us, that there is no pure evil, no pure good, that the houses need to unite, that Slytherin and Gryffindor were once friends etc etc, but again, in the final analysis, it pales into insignificance beside all the good things.

The other thing that confused me was the Elder Wand. If Draco became master of it by disarming Dumbledore, and then Harry became master of it by disarming Draco's other wand, then why wasn't some other randomer master of it by the time we had the big Harry/Voldemort showdown, because I'm sure Harry was disarmed at some point between those two times? On a side note, I found Voldemort's actual death a little anti-climactic as well. There just wasn't enough description of him being actually dead, for me, Dumbledore's death in HBP was more impactive.

One final thing that dissapointed me: the Epilogue. Why ninteen years later? It's just so random, so far removed from the rest of the events, I found I didn't care all that much. Once it was established that Harry and Co all survive, then yes, obviously,they were always going to move on and have lives and jobs and probably get married and have children- I didn't need to see that, especially not put down in such a saccharine way. It reminded me of fluffy fanfic. I would have preferred an Epilogue that was set maybe a year later, I wanted to see a young Harry finally at peace with hiomself and others, I wanted to see the childhood and adolescence that was denied to Harry and, to a certain extent, Ron and Hermione, being granted to them.

But I thought about it some more, and I remembered her saying how she'd written the Epilogue before the rest of the book, and suddenly I felt a lot better about it. This bit wasn't for us, it was for her, as a grown-ip, she'd written that Epilogue because she knew that it was the only way she could get through these seven books of seemingly endless torment for one teenage wizard, that at the end of the tunnel, there lay an adulthood of peace and safety, and I respect her incredibly for that.

And now, onto the general good things.

My favourite concept of the book was the way in which she dealt with the idea of love being the great conquerer of evil. She and Dumbledore have been telling us over and over again that love is the answer and, like Harry, we've been going, "Well, yeah, but in the Final Battle, how's that exactly going to help?" And in the end, it is not Harry's redemptive love that counts, it is Snape's. I'm going to give him a section all to himself.

Severus Snape
By far, one of my favourite characters in this book, despite the great lack of him. I'd always dismissed the idea of him being in love with Lily, it seemed far too cliched but JKR made it ok. I felt so sorry for him, that bitter, lonely, jealous boy with ill-fitting clothes and badly-cut hair, unloved at home, desperately seeking some kind of attention, some kind of love; the parallels with eleven-year-old Harry are strikng. And for both characters, my heart wept for them. The phrase that I will always remember about Snape is the description of him at ten years old:"an oddly impressive figure, even in his ill-fitting clothes, so sure of his destiny", because in the end, he wasn't sure of his destiny at all.

And JKR said, in her webchat, that if he hadn't been so infatuated with the Dark Arts, then Lily could have grown to love him back, romantically, not just as a friend, and things would have been so different, just as if Merope Gaunt had chosen to live, and love and care for her son, things would have been different again. And so it all hinges on fate and chance, and love, which is perhaps the most flighty and easily influenced of all. And this is a complete turnaround from my pre-HBP thoughts of Lily-Snape, which I can recall being, "Ew, no." JK, I take my hat off to you.

Snape, to me, is a hero, a flawed hero, but the best ones are. I predicted his death, but only because I couldn't see him carrying on afterwards, and I have mourned him just as much, if not more, than the others. I cried over Harry's son being called "Albus Severus", after "one of the bravest men he ever knew", just one of the points at which a particular line or word made me well up.

Perhaps it would be prudent now to talk about Dumbledore, sweeing as the two really seem to go together.

Albus Dumbledore
I don't believe an idol has ever fallen quite as completely as Albus Dumbledore did. I find myself strangely relieved by his spurious past, knowing, as we all did, that he could not have started life as a wise old man. I have little to say about him, other than that I now respect and like him even more than I did before, because a hero who goes into the darkness and comes out the other side will always be my favourite kind.

I should now talk about the trio themselves so i can indulge in some heavy squeeing and maudlin moaning.

Hermione Granger
Hermione was my least favourite of the trio in this book, which is strange because she was my favourite in HBP, and the one I have always associated myself with most closely (although I never thought I was as uptight about rules or as straight-laced). Something about the extremity of her actions scared me a little, the same extremism as we saw in OotP when she scarred Marietta. Actions such as actually messing around with the psychology of her parents made me extremely uncomfortable; my image of Hermioen has always been as someone who cares for everyone, indiscriminately, someone who sees both sides of every story, the voice of calm and logic and reason. In Deathly Hallows, she was just as skilled, just as logical, but there was a kind of fanatical devotion to Harry's quest that scared me a little. The focus of these energies was being poured into this high-intensity quest, and she was keeping no reserves of intelligence or thought-power for herself, she had no room to step back and view the situation objectively, and this was a change so far removed from what i think of as my Hermione that I didn't altogether like it.

And I know this is going to sound ridiculous and petty but her appearance has changed. Great Aunt Muriel says she has "skinny ankles". No, she doesn't. You can't have it both ways, if you're going to have a character that scorns sports and chooses to read all day instead, then she can't be skinny, because that's just not fair. I always imagined Elizabeth Bennet with a bit of meat on her bones, and I imagine Hermione as the same, hidden under her usually voluminous robes. And men whistled at her in the street. Men don't whistle at Hermione! And I don't think she'd wear lilac either, or have a beaded bag; it's a bit of a silly time for her to be growing a fashion sense. But rant aside, there we go. I think I'll just ignore those bits and carry on imagining her as I did before: pretty, but not stunning, wild, frizzy hair, a little dumpy and with bad posture. At least JKR got that bit right :P

But she wasn't all bad. Hermione's growing up took place in HBP, so in this one she had only really to wait for the other two to catch up with her, and she did so admirable. Hermione Granger never abanoned her principles, she stuck with them, and who would have guessed that S.P.E.W. and her defense of all non-human creatures would be so important? Who would have gussed that a schoolgirl's first pricklings of her social conscience would be so important in so many ways? The Final Battle, with Kreacher leading the charge, the negotations with Griphook, getting Kreacher on their side at Grimmauld Place and of course, page 502, the bringing together of six and a half years of unresolved feelings. JKR said in her webchat that Hermione goes to work for the MoM, starting off with reforms for house-elves and then moving onto Magical Law Enforcement, where I imagine she'll pretty much kick arse. I'm proud of her. The first time I cried was when she said, "Mudblood and proud". The thing I have always loved about Hermione is her understanding of how things work, and her final understandong of the nuances of the world was widened so much in this book that I felt she really had matured beyond textbooks and I was so proud of her for it.

Ron Weasley
Ron has always been my favourite character, righ from the start. Out of the three, he's the most real to me, the most vividly sketched, and in this book, after my petulant annoyance with him in HBP, I fell right back in love with him. I cannot actually describe how proud of him, or how pleased with JKR I was. The chapter "The Silver Doe" may well be my favourite chapter in all of HP lore. I knew that he was long-overdue his moment of heroism and JKR delivered more wonderfully than I could have hoped for. He walked out on the whole quest and then came back. As I've said, the characters who learn are my favourite. And after he left, he was out there, by himself, and he coped, he survived on his own because all he needed was a little guidance and he found his way back to them, at the exact right moment. He saved harry's life, he weilded the sword of Gryffindor, he destroyed a horcrux that put up possibly the most scarring fight that we saw any of the horcruxes put up, and he was a general, all-round hero. Ron, it is cool, what you did. The description of Voldemort!Harry and Voldemort!Hermione taunting him really brought home all the insecurities and doubts that have plagued him, not just about Harry and his brothers overshadowing him, but about his mother not loving him as much because he was a boy, about Hermione falling for Harrry instead of him, about all the burdens that he's borne pretty much silently over the years, and my heart just ached for him.

But I never had to pity him because despite everything, Ron pulled through, and if anyone ever calls him a coward, or unecessary, ever again, I shall simply point to this chapter and go, "O RLY?" Ron was by far my favourite in this book, because he was the one with the understanding and the clarity of vision. he was the one keeping the whole thing together: when he left Harry and Hermione barely spoke to each other. In many ways Ron has always been the core of the trio and when he left, it was empty. Ron was the one who kept them going when things seemed most dire, and Ron's instincts were nearly always right, even when he thought he was joking. Most of all, it was Ron's action that convinced me that Ron/Hermione wasn't just one of the best ships ever to sail, it was also love, true love, mature love and deep and lasting love. Before DH I had my doubts, I thought that just because they liked each other, they didn't have to grow up and get married, but now I realise, it's meant to last forever. It's real.

Ron's slightly clumsy attempts to make up for his pitiful attitude last year paved the way for Hermione's thawing, her relenting of her slightly frosty attitude towards him, and Ron's understanding of the way she works, the way she sees things, made her understand in turn that she would never need anyone else. At least, that's the way i see it. When i reached page 502, I actually jumped up fro my kneeling position (my speed-reading posture of choice), sobbed with joy, shouted "YES!" and ounched the air, half laughing, half-crying. An excessive reaction? Perhaps, but I'd been waiting for so long, and so had they. I cannot imagine it being any more perfect. The way that Ron covers all that emotional distance, the way he genuinely says, "we can't ask them to die for us", and then Hermione sees that it is her duty to cover that last bit of ground, both metaphorically and physically, and flings herself into his arms. The whole thing just seemed to be an expression of, "You're wonderful." And Ron's "now or never" was just so right, so fantastically spot on that I felt elated because in that moment, nothing could hurt them, because they were Ron and Hermione, together at last, and it felt just like coming home.

And then there's Harry.

Harry Potter
My relationship with Harry Potter is an odd one. I have known him for ten years of my life, I have cried with him, laughed with him and loved him as a brother, as a best friend. I have fallen out of love with him many times. I have been annoyed by him, angered by him, irritated and dismissive of him, but as i sat reading the last book, I was wrenchingly, achingly proud of him. What else could I be? He was grown-up. he is a man now. he is Harry Potter, mature and posessing a kind of wisdom that no seventeen year old should have to have, but it makes him who he is: a truly extraordinary wizard. It emphasises what Hermione said to him when they were eleven years old: that he is a much greater wizard than she will ever be. It emphasises what Dumbledore said: that he is truly special. It emphasises what J.K. Rowling was telling us all along, that I used to find hard to believe: that Harry Potter is a hero, and i feel priviledged to have grown-up alongside him.

When i tell my children to read these books, and they complain and I nag and force them to and then they secretly enjoy them, just like my mother and I with Little Women and Anne of Green Gables, I'll know that they don't truly understand because they weren't there, and they won't know what it was like. Our generation alone will know what it was like, the waiting, the not knowing what would happen to one of your dearest companions and friends, and again i feel proud to be part of that generation. I am seventeen. I am going into my final year, not at Hogwarts, but of education, and after that I will be making my way in the world. I am the same age as Harry is at the start of Deathly Hallows, and although I know how silly it sounds, I can't help but feel that this year will be my battle, but after that, it'll be alright. This summer already is gloomy and rainy, and full of Dementors, it seems, but next summer will be full of peace and new starts and new adventures, and I look forward to it.

On a purely fandom-based level, I am gripped with the desire to write fanfic about a future romance between Rosie Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy, and I have no doubt others have already done so. There are many icons to be made, not least Ron's "Don't let it bother you. It's me. I'm extremely famous." , a line I love for both its humour and its significance in showing that Harry's fame no longer bothers Ron. JKR has said in a webchat that Luna becomes a naturalist and discovers many new species (althougn not, alas, the Crumple-Horned Snorkack), eventually marrying Ralph Scamander, a fellow naturalist, great-grandson of the celebrated Newt Scamander. I am sure I shall have great fun imaging him up as a quiet, dreamy, dark-haired man, with unusually penetrative perception of the world, who treasures Luna as much as she deserves to be treasured.

There is still so much to be said about Potterworld, about my undying love for Draco Malfoy and Narcissa's redemption, about my rage at Remus Lupin's death (he wasn't supposed to die, he just wasn't), about my grief for George Weasley, my glee at the amount of swearing there was, and my shock at the scenes of torture and murder. I feel that my forays into J.K. Rowling's world are far from over but for now, I need a rest, and so do you, I imagine, after reading through all this highly emotional and maudlin rambling.

In the final analysis, I can never ben anything but proud that I have been there since the start, and I will never do anything but wonder at the world that has been created here, before my very eyes, as if for my express pleasure, but beloved of so many millions.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 12:42:16 GMT

I, Rafaella Marcus, finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at one p.m. today after reading for seven hours.

And my mind is well and truly fucked.

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 21:21:40 GMT

What will you be when you grow up?
	You will be ... An official cool person judge

'What will you be when you grow up?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Aha I sit in judgement on the world.

FUCKING Hell. Just....fuck.

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 22:19:15 GMT

That, in the immortal words of Green Wing, just blew my tits off.

Ok, too much, so just a bit of a splurge at first:

Omgz.

JUST SRSLY.

CAN DOCTOR/MASTER BE ANY MORE CANON?

CAN DOCTOR/MARTHA BE ANY MORE CANON?

Martha
She's leaving. She's fucking leaving. I just don't fucking believe it. After everything. After all that they did together she grew up enough to not be able to stand it any more, oh Martha. It just actually makes me want to weep. The fact that she's changed him so much, helped him move on from Rose, and she doesn't get to enjoy it. I'm so sorry for her. I just want to hug her. And the Doctor obviously uses "Thank you" to mean "I love you". He used it when she said goodbye, at the end of the video in Family of Blood and every time she saved his life. Thing is, I don't think I'm being a delusional shipper, I think he actually does love her, I really think so. And I think every nerve in his body is straining to just kiss her but he thinks he can't because he thinks that she's naive like Rose and think it means more than it does.

But my god he appreciates her now. She's saved him and saved him and it's not till she saves the entire bloody world that he sees her as Martha Jones, Saviour of the World (Defender of the Earth, eat your heart out), a Doctor in her own right, and not The One After Rose. And just as he sees that, she leaves. It's heartbreaking. Oh and I know she hasn't left for good, but her love story is really kind of over, isn't it? I mean, I want her to come back and him to grab her and say, "Martha Jones, I love you, stay with me for as long as you can". I want him to tell her how much she means to him, how much she cares instead of just "thank you". It's time to move beyond codes.

She has saved the world. Rose never did that. Rose was a companion. Martha is a Doctor in all but biology. So many times she could have died out there, I'll bet, but she didn't. I love her. Canon says Martha is kick-arse. I'm willing to bet she won't be in the Xmas Special, not if the hull of the Titanic has just ripped into the TARDIS. Noticing a patternfor the Xmas Specials anyone, anyone? Just after he loses a loved one a big, intrusive, noisy thing barges into the TARDIS and he saves it, presumably whilst agsting about said lost loved one.

Except she's not lost but she's definitely loved and I really want to believe she'll be back with a vengeance and timesex will ensue. Although I get the definite vibe that there will other companions in the 4th series. Possibly two. A boy and a girl. Maybe a couple? Or with Unresolved Sexual Sidekicky Tension, like Ron and Hermione or Beatrice and Benedick. It can be like Old Skool Who, with the Doctor as a benevolent overseeing avuncular figure, with Martha popping up every now and again to be perceptive and hot and wise and also hot and the object of the Doctor's unrequited affections.

The Master
John Simm is amazing. I love him, seriously. By the end of the episode I was crying for him, even though he was a psycho, even though he destroyed the earth, he was just deranged, he was ruined by the power of time and space when he was eight years old. How can you not weep for that? And he just couldn't win. He did every single thing he could think of to have some kind of victory over the Doctor and he just couldn't win so he dies. It's like the most extreme version of cutting off your nose to spite your face imaginable.

And Lucy. Lucy Saxon, Psycho Bitch Queen of the World, oddly hypnotic in her own way, delusional, deranged but devoted anough to the Master to follow him to the ends of the earth, literally. I wonder what happened to her. I really thought she was gonna shoot herself after doing him because she wanted the Moon on a Plate and he just couldn't deliver in the end.

And then the Master died, and the Doctor was truly alone.

The Doctor
That has to be one of the greatest moments of sympathy I've had with the Doctor. That's why I always maintained that CE was better, because he made my heart bleed for him especially in the finale, with Rose saying she could feel all of time and space running through her head, and him saying "But that's what I feel, all the time" and last season I didn't really feel that but just then, when DT was holding the Master, his enemy, and begging him not to die, just to exist, just so he wouldn't be alone, even if the other person was still just a psychopath, I just...

And he said he wanted to settle down. And he looked at Martha and the Joneses when he said. I am convinced that, had the Master not died, the Doctor and Martha would have had some kind of future together doing the impossible task of saving the Master from himself and Jack could have helped and there would have been foursomeTARDISsex and Martha would have been in fangirl heaven. But RTD denies us these things because everything is cruel and harsh and never ends well.

And then when it was clear that couldn't happen, he just tried to go back to the usual thing, the "let's go somewhere and do stuff" thing and he knew that they were beyond that now, in a way that he and Rose never were. That's what happens when you take a grown-up on board. And she walked out and I genuinely believe he just wanted to run after her but he couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. He has to say it before she leaves for good. I will die of happiness. Plus the Rose fans will explode.

And Jack
Bringing sexy back. That's what he does, that's my Captain.  But I remember him saying he kisses one of them and he never did...boo. Where was the kiss?

And Jack is the Face of Boe. How fucking genius is that? I mean, just...wow. How fucking amazing.

So it's over for another year. Or at least till Xmas, in which the TARDIS sinks the Titanic.

So, an overview.

Season 3

Smith and Jones- Introducing Martha Jones. And the Non Sexual Tension. Bloody good ep.

The Shakespeare Code- all my fangirl obsessions united, the stuff of dreams.

Gridlock- scary dystopia + story-telling about Gallifrey = Win.

Daleks in Manhatten- first clunker. Just not scary or shocking.

Evolution of the Daleks- same again.

The Lazarus Experiment- kind of ok. Interesting idea and pulled off very well and professionally but not hugely impactive.

42- again, the acting was a little off, too much: "must reach it, can't quite reach it" etc

Human Nature- amazing. Restored my faith completely.

Family of Blood- I didn't cry that hard for flippin' Doomsday, again stellar.

Blink- fabulous. Had nightmares but also fell in love with clever story-arcs and Sally Sparrow.

Utopia- brilliant. Profession Yana, Jack, Face of Boe, bringing together of entire series. Genius.

Sound of Drums- a fantastically psychotic John Simm and a suitably world-crashing ending.

Last of the Time Lords- perfect and painful.

Soon I will update with Real Life Stuff (I know, shocker) but for now... Well yeah. You saw it.

OH EM GEE.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 18:07:23 GMT

Utopia Spoilers Liek Woah.

Is it just me, or is DW on a STELLAR home run? First Human Nature/Family of Blood, then Blink and now this?

I can even forgive such clunkers as the Dalek eps and 42, this stuff is dynamite.

First things first:

OMGYAYSQUEEYESYESYES JACK IS BACK.

It's official: Captain Jack Harkness is bring sexy back.

I cannot possibly love that man any more than I do now. Torchwood was dire because Joh Barrowman can't do serious-guy leading man stuff. As a sidekick, he positively sparkles.

He woke up and flirted with Martha! And Martha doesn't mind. In the words of my friend Hannah: "I bet you don't, you saucy minx." I shipped Martha/Jack even before they came on screen together. Oh how right I was. Martha/Jack/Doctor = OT3 FO'EVUH. Bonding over the Doctor's shortcomings- well it had to happen. Plus Martha's line, "Oh she was blonde! What a surprise!" was so spot on. They both know that they're second best, noly now thee's two of them, and only one of the Doctor, oh what larks :P Also, how wonderful is it to have Jack realising that he actually wants to live forever? Maybe it'll kick the Doctor out of his endless wallow in self-pity.

I didn't even mind the Rose references particularly. I mean, I knew thet were coming, and all, they couldn't just miss it out but oh Poor Martha! *sings* Poor Poor Martha-aa, what you gonna do? Things look bad for you, oh what you gonna do? *ahem* Enough of that.

Ok, let me revise that. I wouldn't have minded all the rose references were it not for the bloody illeterate shippers at time_and_chips. They have decided that the Master coming back (more of this in a sec) means that Ten can now open the void and bring back Rose. Besides the fact that the Master would, yeah, obviously, help the Doctor to get back a past companion, cos it's not like he ever tried to kill him or anything, there's the other issue. Let me see, how loud can I shout this? SHE. IS. GONE! THIS. IS. NOT. HER. SEASON! Martha, a very fabulous and kick-arse companion is HERE and having real emotional problems. I think it's really sad that, just because she represents the remote possibility of him, oh I don't know, moving on. Oh, and they all think that Martha is going to betray the Doctor because, as one shipper put it, "he dusnt seem to like her much". Fuck's sake. [/end rant]

But Jack! JackjackjackjackJack! Flirting with anything that moves! Oh yes, that's my captain. And hey, emo!Jack and emo!Doctor make such a smouldering pair, don't they? That convo in the radiation room, that was litarally hot as hell. my friend Alice, who doesn't even watch DW spent the whole episode mouthing "SLASH!" at me. Yep, she can mouth exclamation points, she's just that good. And the whole, "Doctor." "Captain" thing, oh yay! And when Jack was all, "So I'm your responsibility now, that makes a change" and "You abandoned me"! So needy, and I love it! Serious issues to be resolved *demonic grin*

And now, coming on to the MAIN issue of the ep, THE MASTER RETURNS! I guessed that the Professor and Mr Saxon would be past and present versions of the Master but I only twigged a few seconds before it happened that he was gonna regen into John Simm. Speaking of which, EVIL IS SEXEH! Oh JS, I love love love you. "Ooh, new voice! Hello hello hello!" Funny, that's just what I was thinking. Oh I love how we now have Hot Young Doctor to match Hot Young Master, the parallels are just lovely.

Plus, the whole thing with the Master using the fob watch, like the Doctor did makes Family of Blood even more brilliant. How CLEVER! How wonderfully, beautifully clever. And no TARDIS = well and truly stuck. My bet is, they go to Utopia and it gives you whatever you want, because Utopia is such a subjective idea, and they get a means of transport to get back home. And then, SHOWDOWN.

And I know I always go on about how Christopher Ecclestone was the truly intense Doctor, etc, but David Tennant finding out that he wasn't the last Time lord, watching the Doctor's world crumble beneath his feet was just...well, you saw it for yourselves.

About next week: bring it on.

When it was over, my mate sarah who DOES watch DW but was being very blonde and confused pulled a big WTF face and asked me to explain so I leapt up, paced manically about the room, overblown by the sheer amazingness of it, clawed my fingers through my hair and delivered my explanation at break-neck speed, finishing with a resounding, "So you see? Isn't it FANTASTIC?" Whereupon she looked at me and grinned and went, "You are just like him." Second time someone's compared me to the Doctor. I feel rather special.

In other news, it's my birthday today and I am 17 at last. Bring on the driving lessons! Plus I got ever Mighty Boosh DVD ever plus Jamie T plus a compilation CD of so many brilliant songs and a friggin Dalek card that talks and says, " It- is- your-birth-day. You- must- cel-e-brate or you- will- be- EX-TERM-IN-ATED!"

I'm pretty chuffing happy.

OK, so big update post then...

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 20:46:10 GMT

ALK'SGHWR 'LTH RPYKJ
E[WYJ WHY?

And also:
Ugly Betty = Green Wing. Srsly.
Betty = Caroline
Henry = Mac
Charlie = Holly
Bridge = Park
"Have a wonderful life." = "Thank you for making it easier."
Heartbreak = Heartbreak

And:
Santos- nooooooooooooooooo! You taught Justin how to snap!
Justin makes a wonderful Tony, he's adorable.
Marc and Wilhelmina = aw.
Amanda and Christina trapped in a rom with booze = win.
Amanda as Faye's daughter = double win.
BUT
If Amanda turned out to be Faye and Bradford's daughter, not Faye and her real dad's daughter, then Amanda and Daniel sleeping together = INCEST.

It really is Green Wing

And Daniel and Alexis are totally going to be in comas.

YES YES YES LEE WON HOW COULD HE NOT?

I was watching his final performance and i just went, "I love you. You are amazing. I want to have your babies."

I am so going to see that.

I was fucking terrified.

I, unlike most of fandom, don't really mind the "Doctor-lite" eps and i thought this was especially good. I can't remember the name of the actress who played Sally but she was in Bleak House and Northanger Abbey and is one of my heroines of Regency Drama, thus I heart her. She's posh and pretty and she's tough as fuck and I really like her. I loved her line, "I'm clever and I'm listening and don't patronise me."

Also, I want Laurence Nightingale (*sniggers*). Internet geeks for the win. "'The Angels have the Phone Box'. I've got that on a t-shirt." = Best. Line. Ever. I'm so ordering a t-shirt that has that.

On a more clever-sounding note, how brilliant is Stephen Moffat? All that intersecting conversation, it makes my head go funny. It was a brilliantly crafted episode, I loved it. And playing on a basic fears of mundane things is always the best way to go. Statues are creepy, with their empty eyes, especially angel ones. Smoke and mirrors will always be scarier than out and out horror. I loved the cheesy paranoia bit at the end as well. It was like a way of signifying to the audience that the "Don't blink" rule applied to them as well- when the camera was on the angels but the characters weren't watching, they didn't move because we were watching. Speaking of which, that shot where Sally moved in front of the angel and when she moved away again the hands were down, and when she moved back they were back up was brilliant. It was all one fluid shot, I can't work out how they did it. The editing in general was brilliant, all creepy and atmospheric, and the idea of the angels turning off the lights so you couldn't see them was a great trick.

There wasn't much Doctor/Martha stuff obviously, so I can't do my usual relationship!squee but I will say one thing: Martha supporting him with shopwork = a billion new plotbunnies spawned. Considering it seems like they've been stuck in 1969 for a while, possibly a couple of months means that oh yes, the Doctor certainly does do domestic. Also, I love the image of them with a bow and arrow. It's just cool.

One last thing:

"It's like a big ball of wibley-wobbly timey-wimey...stuff."

I don't even have to comment, do I?

UGLY BETTY LIEK WOAH

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 22:51:00 GMT

*sobs*

Oh my god. Oh. My. God.

WHY?

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYYWHYYWHWYHWYHWYHWYHWYHWHYYWHWYHWYWHWYWHYWYWYWYWYWYWYWYWYWY?

Yes, I know most of that was just dribble!typing.

But first:

Betty/Henry. Ok, so i really thought something would go wrong because that is the law of Telly land and also I was vaguely aware of the pregnancy plot but kind of ignoring it. But to not give them ANY happytime at all? Their only kiss was a sad goodbye one? Bad form, sirs, bad form!

Look, I am being kicked off the computer. I will update this tomorrow.

What a Fucking Brilliant Episode.

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 19:22:02 GMT

Seriously, I'm crying as I write this.

That was so wonderful and so moving. I started crying when they were reciting "For the Fallen", which I just have to include here.

For The Fallen

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the daytime;
They sleep beyond the foam.

But, where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land, they are known
As the stars are known to the night.

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain,
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

How wonderfully moving was that? Jessica Stevenson was beautifully...just brilliant actually, I love her. I didn't like her character just because she wasn't Martha and yet I felt so strongly for her. Beautifully played, bravo.

Best episode yet for both Martha and Freema, I reckon. Oh god, I felt for her so much. She loves him. She really actually does and she knows that she's not even part of any grand overall scheme, she doesn't even have that comfort, she knows that she's just a flyspeck bit of dust but oh my god it's fantastic and to waste time worrying would be the stupidest thing in the world. That's why I love Martha- she's aware of her own mortality, her own insignificance and it just makes her try harder but not in a futile way, she's just so solidly, marvellously there, making her presence known, making her voice heard even thoiugh she knows that none of it matters in the long run. Another reason for the Martha-trumps-Rose list, Rose with her ideas about staying forever and being the one to hold his hand.

And John Smith/The Doctor. Oh god, I don't know what to think. It's such a brilliant idea really, that the Doctor makes a crap human. No matter how much he examines them and talks to them and travels with them, it's the not only the one thing he can't have, it's the one thing he can't be, and I think Joan Redfern saw that. No matter how much he tries to pretend that John Smith is all inside him, he's not human and he never will be.

That description of the Doctor, which I can't even remember now about being fire and ice and burning at the centre of time just has more and more resonance the more I think about it. Speaking of which, that boy was brilliant, that little girl was brilliant and Harry Lloyd, whom I already had a little shrine to as pretty Will Scarlet from the extremely crap Robin Hood, just took my breath aware. And made my skin crawl, which is quite odd.

And Martha with her unrequited love, oh Martha, Martha, Martha Jones. It's truly heartbreaking. I just want him to come out with it and say "Oh, Martha Jones, I love you too" and I don't care if it's the most platonic thing in the world, I just want him to say it. I want their relationship to move up a level and it hasn't even been a whole series- that's brilliant, right?

Only two small dissapointments, and they are small ones: I wanted to see Joh Smith transform back into the Doctor, I think it would have been visually amazing. Secondly, this is kind of a character thing; I was back to wanting to slap the Doctor when all he said was "Thanks for looking after me". It's just not enough.

Overall though, stunning. Best yet.

Wed, 30 May 2007 22:17:58 GMT

Hello my pretties! Just got back from holiday in Suffolk- terrible weather, too much delicious food and lots of cousins ands football. Updates! Spoilers abound.

I went to see it, pretty much gave up on following the plot and so contented myself with listing the ways in whuich they created all the pretty visuals, filled in lines in my head, silently worshipped Tom Hollander and Jack Davenport and smiled wryly, not taking any of it as seriously as it took itself.

I am afraid to say that my major reason for not being able to take it seriously was the Orlando Bloom/Keira Knightley casting. In a film full of fine actors they just fall flat. Loved Jack Davenport and Tom Hollander, as already mentioned, Bill Nighy is even brilliant under half a ton of CGI, fell in love with Naomi Harris all over again and Johnny Depp- well, gorgeous as ever and blissfully Jack-ish.

But Orlando Bloom I don't find very convincing and was fully expecting them to be the traditional Disney couple, so their love story just made me go, "Eh y'what now?" I think that the writers wrote a good story arc for them but neither of them pulled off the transition very well.

As for Keira Knightley- I just loathe her. I know that's not really a considered and mature approach but honestly, I find her tedious and extremely irritating. All her lines were delivered in the same slightly breatless and oh-so-intense tone of voice with her jaw hanging slightly ajar and that goddam bottom lip at full pout. Needless to say, I found her sudden transition from "feisty sword-fightin' female" on the side of good to "suddenly dark and complex Pirate King ruler of the world who everyone wants to rape because she is just so goddamn H4WT" ridiculous and unconvincing. She was too much of a main character for too long.

Having said that, there was loads that I loved- the references, the Dahli-esque Doldrums, the massive sea-battles, the eerie singing and so on. Keith Richards was awesome- truly that is a match made in Heaven. Also r.e. the little scene at the end of the credits- who the hell gets pregnant from touching a knee?

All in all, flashes of brilliance but on the whole a slightly confusing but fun roister of an affair.

Who Time!- 42

Mon, 21 May 2007 08:37:58 GMT

OMG IT'S SUNSHINE WITH THAT LASS FROM CORRIE!

Not that I watch Corrie, but apparently that's what she's from.

Ok, apart from the fact that it was hugely, HUGELY like "Sunshine" (the Danny Boyle film that just came out and is also AMAZE- anyone seen it?) one thing struck me about this episode.

It should have been a two-parter.

Ok, now I know that it was set in real time, but that's very very hard to get right unless you actually are the writers of 24 and you've been doing it your whole life. The time scale here seemed to go really fast at the beginiing and then slow right down near the end- like that opening doors thingy was taking FO'EVER when Martha and that Really Cute Guy (more of him later) were doing it but near the end it was just like snap, bam, bingo, here we go! Hmm. If they'd taken out the real time business and made it a two parter then the pace would have been much less rushed. I know it was meant to be manic but this was just uncomfortable to watch- far too much running and shouting, not enough humour. Doctor Who is less good when it starts taking itself seriously. Obviously they couldn't make this a two-parter because Human Nature and Family of Blood are up next (which I am HUGELY excited about) but if they wanted it to be their "Satan Pit" episode then they should have considered the fact that the premise lent itself much better to a two-parter.

All the emotional stuff was lost- like the Doctor's realisation that the sun was alive, and so on, but I did like the sub-plot with Martha's mum helping Mr Saxon- he is meant to be the Master, right? And also- the Master is a Time Lord, right? I always thought he was the one who created the Daleks, but I may be mistaken.

And now onto Martha in general- I felt this was her weakest episode so far. Freema Agyeman was a bit one-note, she didn't quite hit the right emotional pitch for someone who's trapped in a cubicle in free-fall towards the sun. I don't know what it was, I just wasn't convinced. On a squeeworthy level, Martha now have a Magical Mobile! And a Tardis Key! As soon as she becomes a Permanent Flyer! Squee! Stick that in your pipe o'teen angst and smoke on it, Rose. I still really like the character they've written though, I'm just not sure that Freema is 100% up to the job sometimes.

Also the Really Cute Guy was...well, really cute. And Martha got a kiss! Now why wasn't the Doctor there to see and get all jealous? Pfft. Just wait till Captain Jack gets there, there'll be so much dancing, the TARDIS'll practically be a music hall. Which should suit the Doctor just fine, since he's so into musical theatre n'all. Also, we saw the return of "Allons-y!" Hurrah!

And did you see the trailer for next week? OMGDRAMA!111ELEVENTY1!! But that one bit, where Jessica Stevenson or Haynes or whatever (who is a goddess of television) said, "Don't we make a good team?" and he said, "Don't we just?" in that adorable, sweet, geekish English accent and he was beaming all over the place and yay!

So yes, here's hoping that next week will be better!

Also, is Friday the end of Ugly Betty? It's a double bill and all and it sure looks like it...

I may just have found the love of my life...

Sat, 12 May 2007 18:33:54 GMT

...because I went to see Spiderman yesterday with the Very Lovely Alice.

It's not who you think it is.

As much as I love the very lovely if slightly weird Tobey Maguire, it was the smouldering James Franco that stole my heart.

Why? Because he was happy.

Basically, without giving too much away, Peter Parker, who I hearted muchly for his all-round darkyness and cutinosity that made my heart melt was just a bit of a bastard in this one. Worse, an emo bastard. Yes, I did know it was going to happen; I go on IMDB. So whilst he was angsting about having SUPERPOWERS/talking about hiow great he was (yeah I know, schizo or what?) Harry osbpurne got knocked out, lost his memory (hey, this sounds familiar...), forgot that he wanted to kill Peter/Spidey and that he had serious Father Issues and became really really happy. And lovely. And gorgeous. He painted. And cooked. And did the twist.

I LOVED HIM.

And the end fight scene, with all its emotional weight and fucked-up alliegances was just WIN. Harry and Peter (or Goblin Jnr and Spiderman) fighting side by side, HOLDING HANDS was one of the most blissfully squeeful things ever. My slashdar was screaming but my "he's mine" bit of my brain soon poured water over it.

All in all, the middle was kind of sucky and the story arc was very strange indeed but the ending partl;y made up for it. Partly.

Y'know, I feel sorry for guys sometimes. Coming out, we met two male friends of ours, one of whom was really dissapointed in it. Now, if I was a guy, I would be too. But it was rescued by the completely winning performances of Tobey Maguire and James Franco (to be fair they're both damn fine actors). A good male lead can do that for a woman- make them forget that the rest of it is shit- but a hot chick doesn't really do it for guys.

Now, I'm not saying that guys are deeper than women, or need more to fulfill them because we all know that that's just...not true. But guys find it harder sometimes to switch off into fantasy or imagination, to allow actors, rather than plot or CGI, to take them to other places.

Hmmm, didn't mean to get all psychological. Srill, it's Eurovision in half an hour. Hurrah for Europe flying its camp stars and stripes and Britain's annual ritual humiliation.

Doctor Who LIEK WOAH

Sat, 05 May 2007 21:06:43 GMT

So time for a weekly review...

in a word: ooh.

Yes, that's right. Ooh.

Martha's not just a passenger! I knew, we knew it, now the Doctor knows it too and I just HEART him because he's no longer being a jerk and he saved the day and he invited Martha along and he didnt mention Rose and holy fucking crap he looked good. In a tux. With glasses. YUM.

Oooh and Tish is quite cool too. Isn't it funny how all of Martha's family have middle-class accents except her? And how the mothers always slap the Doctor. And how Martha's mum is going to be an actually proper enemy, like she's been brainwashed. Yay for family conflict. And I like Martha's brother, he seems cool.

And that monster! Best one this season, in my opinion. It looked amazing and it was constructed out of the human body and it was just win. Plus lots of heavy references to Elliot- they like their literature this season.

Nopne next week! Boo! Having said that, I am in stratford so maybe its a good thing.

But after that it looks slammin- and Jack is back! In style! Plus creepy scarecrows- is this the ep where the Doctor forgets who he is and becomes human? It all looks very heavy weight and also wonderful...

It was short today but I was mainly just tired and impressed by the whole thing and I loved Martha's realisation that she was being asked aboard. "You were never really just a passenger, were you?" Damn straight.

Also, Ugly Betty taunts me. Ditch the annoying redhead, Henry and bloody kiss her. or me. Me would be better. God he makes me swoon.